so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
