no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
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