never play flip cup with pint glasses
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Sext me about skeletons
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
