Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
