At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
