is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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