Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
