Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
