finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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