one might say we're banned from that church
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
