I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
This baby is an asshole
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
