it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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