Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
