sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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