The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize