So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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