I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
