This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
