Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
