I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
