Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
