Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
