She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize