Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
