Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She needs sedatives and a leash
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize