i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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