I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
