im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
