Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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