You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize