I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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