Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
