you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
