and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
