do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
