it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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