i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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