Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
