She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
