I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
