There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
