I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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