You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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