apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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