none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
operation harelip BJ is a go
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
