Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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