Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
