i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize