I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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