ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
