I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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