I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
