pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
