you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
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