i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize