is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
