this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
