I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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