My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize