C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
