I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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