Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
