Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
