Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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