Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
