You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
