so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
