Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
