i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My ass is underappreciated
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
