i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
