i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
