I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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