Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
we should paint friendship bongs
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