she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
