the condom got lost in my hair
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
