you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Text me some of your sweat
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize