You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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