***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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