hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
