tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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