There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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