I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
