We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
