turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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