I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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