She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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