He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
operation harelip BJ is a go
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
