ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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