Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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