not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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