Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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