I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
