My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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