Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
my poor anus
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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