Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Too much gin, very little bucket
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
